Living in the Webs has its challenges, but it’s not the nightmare people make back home make it out to be. Okay, well maybe it literally is, but in practice it’s not all bad. I know many of you think of us as victims, but we don’t consider ourselves as such. It’s more like we’re doing a service that benefits everyone, and also happens to include an element of danger.
It probably sounds funny to you that I’d call the constant threat of being eaten by giant psychic mind-spiders “an element of danger,” but that’s really all it is. I mean, back in so-called normal space you run the risk every day of getting hit by a bus. Or being stabbed by a gang-banger. Or having some squirmy thing that lives within you turn your own body against you. I don’t know how all of you live with being stuffed of teeming microorganisms without going completely batty.
But the point is that you do it. There are all these dangers, but they don’t bother you on a day-to-day basis. You learn to live with them. It’s the same thing in the Webs. Sure, we never know when the Keepers will choose to end our lives, but we don’t really die of anything else. The Nectar takes care of that.
And it’s delicious. Back in normal space I never had foie gras or truffles or Wagyu beef – my family was way too broke for that. But some of the others did, and they all say the same thing. One of them was a French Gourmand, and even he says nothing even approaches Nectar for pure deliciousness. I can pretty much guarantee you that you’ve never had anything that tastes so good. You can’t. You’ve only got the five sense to work with, and they’re all bound up with your physical bodies. The rules are different, here.
I admit it would be nice if we could have as much Nectar as we wanted. There’s never enough. But a friend of mine once told me he knew someone who managed to sneak into the Boundless Garden and stuffed himself with Nectar, and his spine exploded. So maybe it’s all for the best.
Whenever we talk about the fact that the Keepers are the only threat to our lives, people are skeptical. They say “what, you have a perfectly peaceful society? You never hurt each other?” And I’m not going to lie. It does happen. A little less than a year ago, someone in my bridge club walked in on another women getting intimate with her husband, and she…overreacted.
But it doesn’t happen often. For one thing, there’s not much for us to fight about. But more importantly, hurting someone else is a surefire ticket to Mandible Town.
For the record, that’s a metaphor. Mandible Town is not a real place. I don’t know how the hell that rumor got started. Some journalist took something one of us said out of context, and the whole thing got carried away.
So yeah, it isn’t perfect. But it’s necessary. It’s best not to think about what the Keepers would do if we didn’t have this little arrangement. There’s a good reason humans are so afraid of spiders.
Life in the Webs is just like life anywhere else: It’s just life. I sometimes miss life back home, but not as much as you might think. Overall, I don’t have a whole lot of bad things to say about this place.
They don’t like it when you say bad things about this place.