37, day thirty three
It has finally happened. After thirty-two days of daily blog posts–sometimes more than once per day–I am finally going to miss a today. I regret to report that today I am not going to be able to post anything on my blog. Not anything at all. If I do manage to post something, it will certainly be no more than sixty-four words. Chances are, I won’t even get that far.
I have to admit I am disappointed in myself.
Do you ever have days where your volition never seems to turn on? Today was three of those days. There were some reasons for it. I was waiting for something to happen that could lead to positive change in my life, but also to stress and difficulty. That thing never happened. I do not know how to feel about this. But the whole day, I felt like I couldn’t do anything until I had confirmation as to whether or not it was going to happen. The confirmation never came, and so I never snapped into full functionality.
I didn’t set any daily goals, so I don’t have any daily goals to fail. That is nice, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have one daily goal that was already set: putting up a blog post. But I just can’t handle it today. I can’t handle putting words together into interesting or engaging sentences. I can’t handle attempting to weave together strands of luminescent metaphor like spiders at the break of dawn weaving their refractive webs in the morning light. I can’t handle doing any kind of research. It’s like my parietal cortex, which studies suggest may be the center of will and volition in the brain, just won’t activate.
I apologize if I let anyone down. Or at least, I would apologize if I had the drive to even go that far. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.